


What Didn't Happen

by Katzedecimal



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Case Fic, Conan the barbarian, Costume Parties & Masquerades, Costumes, Gen, Halloween, I mean the English Avengers, Not the Avengers you're thinking of, Red Sonja, Texting, The Avengers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 07:45:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katzedecimal/pseuds/Katzedecimal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There is a very short Conan busying about the flat.  He's threatening me with a sword if I don't eat something."</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Didn't Happen

**Author's Note:**

> A bit late, sosume. Muses, go figure.

(5:45pm Mycroft Holmes) I have been invited to an event at the American consulate this evening. A costume event.

(5:46pm SH) Ah yes, the American Hallowe'en custom of costume parties. Dull.   
(5:46pm SH) What have you chosen?

(5:47pm Mycroft Holmes) My assistant suggested that we go as the Avengers.   
(5:48pm Mycroft Holmes) Our hosts were quite surprised to learn that, in England, "The Avengers" does not indicate a group of comic book super-heroes.

(5:49pm SH) Happily for you, your "John Steed costume" consists of putting on a bowler hat.  
(5:49pm SH) You've outdone yourself on laziness. Congratulations.

(5:50pm Mycroft Holmes) No one's even noticed. My assistant's Mrs. Peele costume has them quite distracted. Although they keep calling her 'Black Widow.'

(5:51pm SH) Accurate.

(5:52pm Mycroft Holmes) I haven't mentioned that.

(5:53pm SH) You'll be comforted to know that you aren't the only one attending costume parties today.   
(5:53pm SH) There is a very short Conan busying about the flat. One of John's American pubmates is throwing a Hallowe'en costume party. 

(5:55pm Mycroft Holmes) Conan. 

(5:56pm SH) He's threatening me with a sword if I don't eat something.

(5:57pm Mycroft Holmes) I assume you mean Conan the Barbarian and not Conan O'Brien.

(5:58pm SH) I'm considering whether or not to dress as Red Sonja, just to see the look on his face.

(5:59pm Mycroft Holmes) If you do, please send me pictures. John has the most interesting expressions. 

(5:59pm SH) Unarguable.  
(7:07pm SH) I called upon a former client who is a cosplay expert, who called upon a friend who is a bellydancer. I am now in possession of a rather superbly accurate Red Sonja costume.  
(7:08pm SH) I'm also in possession of a copy of Red Sonja #1, signed by Gail Simone.

(7:09pm Mycroft Holmes) Who is Gail Simone?

(7:10pm SH) No idea.  
(7:11pm SH) Here comes John. 

(7:17pm Mycroft Holmes) My assistant has told me to stop laughing, it's frightening people.

(7:18pm SH) I thought that was the point of Hallowe'en?

(7:19pm Mycroft Holmes) That's what I said.  
(7:20pm Mycroft Holmes) Marvellous. 

(7:30pm SH) Lestrade just texted we've got a case!

(7:31pm Mycroft Holmes) Have fun.  
(7:31pm Mycroft Holmes) Wait, you're not going out like that, are you?

(7:35pm SH) No time!

(7:36pm Mycroft Holmes) Run a CCTV feed to my phone. My little brother and Dr. Watson are going out to a crime scene dressed as Red Sonja and Conan the Barbarian.  
(8:10pm Mycroft Holmes) Sherlock, is that what it appears to be?

(8:15pm SH) What? Yes it's a head. Why are you watching me

(8:16pm Mycroft Holmes) Because the expression on Detective Inspector Lestrade's face right now is far more entertaining than anybody at this party.  
(8:20pm Mycroft Holmes) John's is even better. 

(8:21pm SH) What? Oh yes there's a wind   
(8:22pm SH) For god's sake Mycroft start breathing I'm wearing a loincloth under this

(8:23pm Mycroft Holmes) Not why I stopped breathing but thank you for that reassurance.   
(8:45pm Mycroft Holmes) Did you just...?

(8:50pm SH) Where else was I going to put it?   
(8:51pm SH) I have to take it with me and it's not like this outfit comes with a purse.  
(8:52pm SH) John is telling me that tying a human head to my sword belt is a bit not good.  
(8:53pm SH) I told him it adds realism.

(8:55pm Mycroft Holmes) I can't argue with that point.

(8:57pm SH) Neither could John.   
(9:12pm SH) Just arrived at other scene.   
(9:13pm SH) Anderson just sprayed his tea everywhere.  
(9:14pm SH) Including my abdomen.

(9:15pm Mycroft Holmes) How disgusting.

(9:16pm SH) I hope I don't catch stupid off of him.   
(9:18pm SH) Sergeant Donovan's just arrived and sprayed tea everywhere.  
(9:19pm SH) Can these people just not contain themselves?

(9:20pm Mycroft Holmes) I imagine the sight of a six-foot tall genderbent Red Sonja with an actual human head on her belt flanked by a short barbarian is rather startling.

(9:21pm SH) John's examining the body.  
(9:22pm SH) His furry leather pants don't quite cover his bum.  
(9:23pm SH) It's creating a bit of a stir.

(9:24pm Mycroft Holmes) I can imagine.

(9:25pm SH) He hasn't noticed. Unlike everybody else here, John is properly focused.

(9:47pm Mycroft Holmes) My goodness, what happened just then?

(9:48pm SH) Anderson being an idiot, nothing new there.

(9:49pm Mycroft Holmes) John doesn't usually punch him, is what I'm saying.

(9:50pm SH) He didn't punch him. Anderson just tripped and fell into John's fist as he was yawning.

(9:51pm Mycroft Holmes) Oh yes, I see. Quite. And what didn't happen?

(9:52pm SH) Anderson was making idiotic comments about a sexual assault victim's clothing so I went up to him and asked him if I was "asking for it."  
(9:53pm SH) Bearing in mind that I am nearly naked but for boots, a sword, a wig and a scale mail bikini, with a man's head on my sword belt tugging down my metal loincloth.  
(9:54pm SH) The leather one is still in place, by the way.   
(9:55pm SH) John was unsatisfied with his answer.   
(9:56pm SH) Lestrade said he was asking for it.  
(9:57pm SH) Which proves that Lestrade might just have a brain in there after all.   
(9:58pm SH) Anderson wants to arrest John for assault. Sergeant Donovan is insisting that Anderson tripped and fell.   
(9:59pm SH) Anderson must have crossed a line with her. About time. 

(10:01pm Mycroft Holmes) CCTV footage will support John's alibi and will show that he, in fact, attempted to stop the officer in question from falling. 

(10:10pm SH) Could you do us another favour?

(10:11pm Mycroft Holmes) After this evening's entertainment, gladly.

(10:12pm SH) Could you have our coats brought around?   
(10:13pm SH) Only it's brass monkeys out here, as John puts it, and John's chest is completely exposed.  
(10:14pm SH) His scars are attracting rather a lot of attention. 

(10:16pm Mycroft Holmes) They shall be delivered shortly. 

(12:03am SH) Case solved. Boring.   
(12:04am SH) The brother-in-law is an iaido enthusiast. Standard adultery/revenge scenario. Yawn.   
(12:05am SH) He did look a bit startled when we walked up to arrest him, though.

(12:06am Mycroft Holmes) Well, it's not every day that a man is arrested by barbarians with swords. 

(12:07am SH) He seemed even more surprised when I divested him of his.

(12:08am Mycroft Holmes) Did you really?

(12:09am SH) I now have another sword for my collection.

(12:10am Mycroft Holmes) You have a sword collection?

(12:11am SH) I do now.   
(12:12am SH) Here.

(12:13am Mycroft Holmes) I'm framing that and nothing you can say will stop me.

(12:14am SH) John says that was the most fun he's ever had at a costume party.   
(12:15am SH) Ironic, as we never actually made it to the party.


End file.
